SILVER YEAR

Where have you been for the last twenty five years?

A New beginning in a woman’s journey:

Another year was added to my age that means another milestone in this journey so called “LIFE”. Yes I grow a year older, but why did I have this question at the back of my mind: Did I really grow up?, well vividly not physically ( sad to say. wasn’t gifted in that aspect ),what I supposed to say is that: Am I really a matured individual now? Have I found the meaning of my life? Some of my friends and colleagues would say you are now ready to settle down. But how will I be ready, when I have no time for love? (hahahhahaha). It has been said: Life is not measure in years you have live your life, rather, in time you have your share it. But what does it really mean, sharing your life? Have I done this l already? These were only among the few queries I have.  As one of my favorite song says: “So many questions but the answers are so few”. To console myself:I would just simply say:" this is part of being human; some questions don’t find the answer in your expected way." The good thing about life that I enjoyed was that as we grow older, it’s breath taking to look back and recall what have you done in the past.

Looking back, when life is as simple as ABC.

I grew in poor family back in the small town of Alcoy. A particular place perhaps known only by its residents and nearby barangays and sitios.Bulalacao- a small sitio that is among those quiet and mountainous sitios that comprises Nug-as (proud to have black shamma in it’s wings).My father was a farmer, who sometimes had a sideline as baker in a certain mini grocery store in the main barangay.My father report there every Tuesday and Friday. When Papa is off to work at the bakery I used to plead him to bring us some bread when he comes back. At that time I am happy enough to have bread on our little table. However, life isn’t always a bed of roses, had always witness my papa and mama quarreling. As early as the age of four I had remembered it well, was: me and mama was on our way to the manghihilot, since asthma attack me again. They were quarreling again, I was about to go down on the stairs when Papa drag me…and so did Mama, I don’t actually care at that time, perhaps because I don’t understand what exactly is going on between them. But the most unforgettable one that hit me so badly was when one night they came home late and mama is shouting at papa…at first me and my little sisters just ignore them, Auntie Bebie is living with us at that time. Their quarrel became worst,  still we didn’t mind,until mama started throwing stones on our rooftop and we started screaming we hide under the tables afraid that the stones might hit us though there’s that roof. We really don’t have idea why they have that fight. I thought that was it, and then a few minutes later I was really shocked when I saw Mama, holding a bread knife pointing it to my father while holding my little brother, at that very moment I wasn’t thinking about them, my mind was up to the little kid. God grace grandma came but still they didn’t listen to the poor old one. After so many fighting, they separated  and that wasn’t easy for me, I was a freshman student at that time. Somehow, had already envision a complete family, their separation really affected me, personally and emotionally. There was even a time when my teacher caught me not really paying attention to her discussion though my eyes were glued on the board, good thing she understand me. But God is really good, and it is true time heals all wounds; my mama and papa are back to each others arms again. I was the one who was very happy with their reconciliation at that time. I was back with new enthusiasm at my studies again, however it doesn’t last a lifetime since finally on 2005 they finally broke up. Again it breaks my heart so badly, I cried for so many nights because of it but what else can I do. I wasn’t there.After I learned about their break up I immediately went home and wanted to talk to them, but when I was there, eagerness to talk to them was lost.What I did was only left letter for both of them , questioning  their decision. How selfish could they become?Didn't they consider us first before parting ways? What about little brothers and sisters? What will happen next?I was really disappointed with my parents, I told them in my letter that we did not ask them to bring us to life, it is their decision,.Before I went back to the city Mama tried to talk to me but I did not bother to listen all I want was, they forgive each other and start anew.After that I and Mama are not in good terms and sadly until now…(so bad of me,right?)we haven’t talked for almost six years now. Well personally I did not exert effort maybe. And that’s the sad part.As I was about to accept the situation of my parents and was ready to talk to Mama, it was then also that learned Mama had another  man  a third degree relative of my Papa. What an insult isn’t it? But there they are with a kid now whom I never seen, and once I hated but I had realized how hard it will be for my half sister when she grew up. I don’t know if when that time comes I will acknowledge her, I really couldn’t say. I realized I will be unfair if I will hate this little angel who didn’t have any idea about what was happening. And, finally I decided to accept the naked truth that: I have a half sister and my dreamed family wont be whole again, though at the bottom of my heart I am still hoping and praying that someday we will be back in each others arms again.

On a lighter note:” Make hay while the sun is shinning’

Though I grew up in a family so full of quarrels..nagging..etc…in other words a chaotic family life, I still managed to keep my faith in God, and that’s what keeps me going. Though I am not in a perfect family, I still managed to maintain high grades that gave me medal as part of the top honors during my elementary days. Those grades that brought me to scholarship at PMSC – a Japanese owned establishment in our locality. My deepest gratitude to my teacher in grade six .

 Yes, my parents were always in trouble but I could not forget how attentive my mother when it comes to my schooling needs. Indeed we are poor,”isang kahig isang tuka” but every time I will be send off to different schools for certain competitions which I never win my Mama would always find ways to look for money so that I can have some sort of baon. And that’s what I love Mama the most, her being industrious, being thoughtful. We may have gap now but I am hoping that at the end of the day, things will be patch up. Because of her; I have managed to build up a dream not only for myself but for all of us especially for my siblings.

On the other hand, what made our family special despite from all the fighting and trouble we have we still have high respect to our parents. We still grow up as a responsible person (as far as I’m concerned).We never answer them in a cold manner whenever they will scold us, we just listen and accept that we are wrong (though I must say sometimes I really wanted to shout…no Ma!.//hehehehhe).I remember so well whenever we go home late from school, we would bring home some firewood as reason why we were late, though in real we got so high with our games. During my early childhood years what I hate the most was during Saturdays, Sundays and summer vacation. Most will wonder why? Well it is simply because on Saturdays I am assigned in cleaning the house, arranging all the stuffs (as a kid this is hell for me.).On Sundays, we have to the laundry, fetch water – and gosh we had to fill that big drum, better if the deep well was only a few steps away, the bad thing is you have to go down at least two mountains then back. (Imagine what a torture it is?). On summer, we had to till the farm…and I hate the sun..so hot outside, and those ants grrr!.But all this stuff, mold me a person I am now. Thanks to my tyrant parents…. (just kidding..).

Searching for my luck:” Aim High and Hit the Mark”

After my elementary graduation ,I was of the few lucky one who passed the PMSC scholarship program, so then I was a scholar in my entire high school years. (My deepest gratitude to Maam Dierdre Romarate for helping us from the very beginning). Though I was a scholar then, after my second year in our barangay I decided to apply as working student, luckily I made it. I was employed as a working student at Mosqueda’s residence. Being a working student wasn’t a piece of cake. I am not born with a golden spoon in my mouth but still I am not that discipline in terms of household chores, simply because in our home though we had an assigned task, there was no pressure in it since it’s only your parents who will scold you whenever your task wasn’t finished, unlike when you’re working for someone else. But with strong determination I still made it, but sad to say I wasn’t able to maintain my spot in the honor roll.I was disgusted because it was the first time I wasn’t able to come to the stage to receive a medal but I was still given a special award. But that was it, I have to move on. After my second year I decided not to continue with my work, I left at Mosqueda’s residence. But after a week Nong Oroc’s brother Kuya Boy fetched me at our place and asked me to be their working student. Without hesitation I accepted it. My stay there was very okay; I again managed to have higher grades though not in top list (hahahahaaha).But then in general my high school life was somehow a stepping stone.

Few weeks after I graduated from high school I decided to apply for a job, well if you are living in the province after finishing high school most will go to the city and apply as either house maid or baby sitter, since what we have in mind is to help our family.

I was able then to land on a job as a housemaid through the help of my cousin. I worked at Lim’s residence in Banilad. But it was only for a while; it was August when my mother fetched me there because a certain colleague of her wants to help me pursue my studies in college. However that wasn’t materialized. I again searched for another job, lucky for me I got one again through the help of my best friend back in my elementary days. But then I realized, if I continue with this kind of job, though there’s nothing wrong with it, it feels like the grades I was maintaining during my high school days was wasted and effort of my teacher in grade for me to get a scholarship will be also be wasted. So I decided to find ways in order to pursue my studies in college.

I then went to my aunt’s house, search for my luck. At first it was not that easy, back then I work as babysitter, housemaid at my aunt’s house, after almost a year I was able to find a scholarship that really suits me. Again thanks to the friend I found there. Then I was really able to pursue my studies in college. I was a study now pay later scholar at Asian College of Technology. I took up Bachelor of Science in Computer Science. But that was only for a year…not so lucky of me.

I gave the hope that I can finish my studies; it was because it was real hard to be a full time self supporting student. It was that time when I learned that my parents finally decided to part ways. I was terribly bothered that days, my world seems to fall upside down.However during my stay in my aunts house I was able to build friendship that help me during my gloomy days.

Continued Struggle: “Knocked and you shall be opened”

After college I decided again to haunt for a job, but this time not as a housemaid or baby sitter anymore. It took me almost six months to finally land a job. I can’t remember how many candles I had offered to get the job. But God is really good; he didn’t break what he said:” Knock and you shall be opened”

I was hired as a service crew at HOS CORPORATION or better known as Hotdog on Sticks. It was Sept 6, 2006 when God answered my prayer. I started my training period at Robinsons Mall Cebu. It was really awkward since we have to bark or service calling, like you have to shout in order to push your product. It was still vivid in memory the first time I shouted hotdog on sticks, nathan’s hotdog, after shouting I hide at the ice tea dispenser in shame. But then I still managed though, until I was assigned in different outlets. I had my break when I was assigned to handle MAKRO outlet. But then again it wasn’t a piece of cake, I didn’t find it enjoying because it was only those trucks, vans and neighborhood tenants whom I see. And it’s kind awkward to push or offer your products to nobody. Until our boss caught me not barking just staring blankly (hahahaha), he was really mad at me during that time. He said if ever He will catch me again, he will terminate me. I just nod my head in agreement. The next day, I did not expect that my boss will visit my outlet again. There he caught me doing my nails. He didn’t scold me again instead He called up my supervisor and scolded him to death. I was really guilty; I know he doesn’t deserve to be scolded by our boss because of my stupidity.  But I was still lucky because my supervisor is not the strict he helped make my day though the fear was deep inside killing me softly( And I will never forget that ensaimada given by my supervisor as pacifier..hehee). Questions are overflowing in my mind: What if I will be terminated? What will happen? But again, I made it.I wasn’t terminated; I was only reassigned to another outlet.

I was transferred to Gaisano South, and there I was able to uplift my status. Our boss trusted me again since I was somehow able to maintain the sales. It was there that I started to develop my personality. After almost six months in Gaisano South I was then transferred to Gaisano Countrymall.I was assigned there for year before I was again transferred to Ayala and was developed to become a cluster in charge. On my training as cluster in charge, I find it so difficult to handle personnel especially if they’re ahead of you. Not that easy to implements rules, not to mention if these guys were your friends, your barkadas.Until I gave up, physically and emotionally. I said to myself: this kind of job is not for me. I wasn’t able to quit until I got sick and was hospitalized. After my hospitalization I decided to resign since my family ad relatives contradict my yearning to continue working, I submitted a resignation then, but after a few days our HR manager called me up I was asked to report to office.

Blessing in disguise: “Opportunity knocks only once, so grab it”

As our HR manager’s request I then reported at the office. I wasn’t expecting anything but one thing was fixed in my mind, my resignation is final. It is because one of our company’s practices was that once you have reached one year as a service crew you whether you like or like not you will be trained as cluster in charge (which now I realized it’s good for us, because we grow.) and I know I don’t have the capabilities to become one aside from the fact that my health condition is not stable at that time. I was surprised then when our HR told me that our boss asked if I want an office job, well it was something that sounds good to hear. So then without a second thought, I accepted the offer, which I think is really a blessing for me. I was not able to finish my course but there I was offered for an office job, who am I to reject it?

There I was trained as a DSR analyst or what we called as Sales Analyst. I t was boring at first because I used to in an area where I can communicate with a lot of people in different walks of life. As time goes by, I was to get used to it. But the again I had to face the consequences in relation to my job. One of them was my time with my friends in work, more so often I couldn’t hang out with them.

After a year or so in Accounting I was then trained in treasury works, not to mention the fact that I really love to learned new things. Until then I was made a reliever to our treasurer.

Be courageous enough to face each trial that hinders your way. Be truthful.

Being trusted by someone was a real burden especially when we talked about money. It was this time when I was to relieve our treasury for her day off. As a standard operating procedure before you have to make a day off you have to make sure that you have turn over properly all those accountability but we did not follow that simply because we trust each other. But unfortunately, something happened, that lead me to become instant assigned treasurer. I was left without choice than to accept the post. I was afraid for the possible outcome, the consequences and everything, but then with the help of prayer and encouragement from my co workers who still believe in me I managed to make it through.

I thought that was the last incident, but I was wrong, it happen again. I can’t describe the anger I saw in my boss glaring eyes. I know that at the back of his mind were doubts. It was so humiliating on my part, because every time I report to work I have this feeling that they’re backstabbing me. The only thing that consoles me during that time was the fact that I am sure and honest to myself. I couldn’t do anything to put my name in shame, because it is my only treasure. Luckily after some time, I have proved myself to our boss and to my colleagues that what they think was wrong. Thanks to God for helping me. The lesson I learned from that experience was not to loose hope when you have the truth in your hand, just speak for the truth and put it in God’s hand. After my darkest hour being the treasury God has given some light. Despite of all the doubts I had read in my co workers eyes, all their whispers we’re cleared. The truth itself finds its way out to cleanse my name and other personalities involved. With that, I feel like God never lets you down when you’re on the right side. The best thing about it: just do the right thing, and God will take care for the rest. And because of that I am still here, come to think of it, never had I imagined that I would this long – 5years on counting. Nothing is impossible if you keep your faith strong. At that time though I cried for so many nights and even in my sleep, praying and talking to God was my only refugee. Then, my prayers work, which make me believe that God won’t give trials that you can’t handle.

After those troubles I encountered at work, I thought I can now breathe freely, until one day I just woke up with new burden I had to carry. My sister has to be hospitalized due to gallstone. I counted for months until she was finally scheduled for operation, and I can’t explain what I felt at that time, anxious, nervous.But at the end of the day, the operation went through and positively. The only sad part of it was that Mama didn’t even care to visit my sister. The idea stricken me so badly yet a part of me tried to understand her. But that was it, now I am only grateful that we had surpassed that trial.

And as I continue my journey, somehow I found my mission on Earth. Yet  can’t deny the fact that there were instances of my life when I asked God why do I have to go through this and that, but after all I defeated those obstacles, I had thanked God for giving me those. I thanked God because I will never be who I am today if not because of those difficulties.